There is a video circulating of a girl being beat on FB Live by her mother because she was caught having sex or having a viral sex video. I won’t share it here because I wish it would stop being shared. But I had to point out a few problems I have with it.
1. Embarrassment is not a teaching tool. Shame and guilt usually produce more of what one intends to stop. Shame and guilt makes people hide their deeds instead of changing them. Shame and guilt create self-torment. Shame and guilt last well into adulthood and can cause many other issues.
2. When a child is behaving sexually, parents need to get to the root of the behavior. Is it a cry for love or attention they are not getting? Are they following an example seen in the home? Have they been given freedoms above their ability to handle them? Have they been taught purity? Have the been shown their value? Did they simply make a mistake that they need to be parented through? This is a time to get closer to your child to teach them better behavior now that you know there is an issue. This is not the time to embarrass then and ensure that they will not come to you when they have messed up. Yes, consequences are often necessary but so is communication… Lots of it.
3. Anytime your biggest concern is how your child makes you look, you are worried about the wrong thing and showing little concern for your child. I get it, it’s tempting; we work hard for our kids, teach them right from wrong, but that doesn’t make it right. Their behavior can be a reflection of our parenting but sometimes it’s a signal for what’s going on inside the child. Being too closely tied to their wins and their losses sends the wrong message and confuses the goal of parenting. They may do some things that are totally against everything they were taught but we must love them anyway. Even when we don’t condone their actions we are not to condemn them.
There were many saying things like, “if you act like a thot then you need to be dealt with like one.” A thot is another name for a whore. Who sees a child that way? And when is the last time someone got the “thot” beat out of them? If whippings are all you have in your parenting arsenal by the time your child is a teen you are in for a rough ride.
And to those who think they should do the time where they do the crime, I am so glad that God does not operate like this. Parents can be so hypocritical. I never want to expose my children’s sins publicly and deal with my own privately. The goal of discipline is teaching and correction. In my opinion it should be done privately and above all in love.
God bless. My prayer is that we would all continue to grow in the knowledge and grace required to be a good parent. To do so we must continue to seek good information and Godly wisdom. We must also understand that our children are living in very difficult times. They need our help and understanding–we both have much to learn from one another. ❤️
People often say, “I don’t understand how anyone could ______(fill in the blank).”I warn them (and remind myself) that thinking this way invites God to send you a lesson to teach you exactly how it can happen. Many never learned how low they could go until they looked down on others. I am learning that it is only the grace of God that the atrocities I judge were not my story. Be thankful someone taught us better. Be grateful we were not tempted in the manner someone else fell in. Most importantly, be thankful that all of our dirt and/or shortcomings did not make the news.
Finally, even if we knew 90% of every subject imaginable, 10% would still be beyond our ability to understand. Maybe what we just don’t “get” about others lies in the 10%. And if we are honest, we are working with way less than 90%, so how would we know?
“For what gives you the right to make such a judgment? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift?”
1 Corinthians 4:7
Pretty can be shallow
It can be empty
It can be one dimensional
It can be decieving
It is the prelude not the whole story
It can also be inspiring–a beautiful field of flowers, great art, a brilliant sunset.
It’s said to be at it’s best when it’s natural
It is often judged when it’s staged or manufactured
Pretty can be an attempt to put ones best foot forward
Pretty can be unintentional
Pretty can be a cry for attention
Pretty can be an attempt to heal something inward
Who really decides what pretty is?
GOD MADE US ALL
Don’t judge another’s choice of pretty
You never know what struggle his or her pretty represents
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I know that you have noticed that young and old we have said goodbye to so many that are considered legends or the “greatest” of their time or spaces. Many despair that some are gone too soon lately, but this is not a new phenomenon. Each generation has had to say goodbye to those they admire—some at the end of a well-travelled journey, some in their prime, and some overcome by the demons or vices they could never seem to overcome. However, my plea to you today is instead of missing a day that has already passed, each of you realize the legends are not leaving gaps that can never be closed but rather they are leaving shoes that I am sure they hoped you would fill, and their arms are extended with batons they hoped to pass.
I can’t speak for them but I am sure that those who possess greatness in is purest form would want some young person to do the same. I don’t believe that one becomes legendary by following fads or copying what he or she thinks will bring success. While some may have dreamed of stardom—far too many realized that the quest for stardom can easily taint the creative process. There have been many legends that never sought out to be great, they just wanted to impact the world with their gift. They had a unique message that they wanted to leave behind. They were born to sing or write their own special song, or play an amazing melody.
I believe that there are still legends being born every day. I believe that these are the ones who refuse to be put into a mold, a machine, or a formula. These are the ones who will sing their own song even if no one decides to buy it. They write, sing, and play with no audience in mind. They aren’t trying to get ratings or rankings. They simply creating out of the art in their souls, the pain of their experience, the joy they want to see in the world, or the thoughts that they wish to provoke.
My prayer for all legends in the making—both young and old, is that they would be the authentic talent they were created to be. I pray that we would all take a page from their books and show up in our own unique gifts and talents. Let us not just mourn the legends and believing the best is behind us. Take the baton and run with it. Take us places we have never gone before, with the lyrics and melodies that only you were created to bring. Be legendary by being you…
That the LGBT community will respect Christian choice as much as they want their choice to be respected.
That committed Christian lobbyists and lawmakers will be diligent in seeing to it that the law does not force us to do what the world wants in the house of God.
That just as Muslim and Jewish business are not shut down for refusing to sell pork, Christian businesses will be respected and not asked to violate their beliefs.
That hatred will not be the driving force on either side of the coin.
That both sides will learn that just because we see things differently, it does not mean we join those that do harm to people who don’t share their views.
That people who claim Christ will stop doing harm to or being filled with hatred for those who don’t share their views–it makes us all look the same.
That both sides would fully understand the dynamics of personal freedom and religious freedom and how to balance the tension between the two in our current world without expecting one side to give up either.
That we will seek opportunities to have civilized dialogue on both sides, to gain insight into one another’s point of view so that we both will learn how to deal with one another in love and respect.
That we would look to God for how to navigate the times that we live in for His Greatest Glory.
That our greatest motivation would be love for God and love for others.